The Importance of Practicing Healthy Goodbyes in Sports
As the spring sport season comes to a close, something that’s been on my mind—as a parent, team manager, and therapist—is the importance of supporting athletes in practicing healthy goodbyes. This process is especially vital for athletes who have experienced relational trauma, where saying goodbye can feel unsafe, confusing, or even painful.
For individuals who’ve endured traumatic loss or disrupted relationships—such as youth in foster care, those who’ve lost a parent, or children with emotionally unavailable caregivers—transitions can stir up intense feelings. Goodbyes may trigger reactions like acting out, shutting down, or internalizing blame. What may appear like a simple end to a season can echo earlier experiences of loss or abandonment.
In youth sports, the end of a season often brings change. Athletes may move to new teams, age out of leagues, or even relocate. Yet, the bonds built during a season—through shared challenges, victories, and growth—can be deep and meaningful. That’s why supporting athletes through intentional goodbyes is so important.
Practicing healthy goodbyes creates an opportunity for closure, reinforces that change is a normal part of life, and helps athletes learn to transition with connection rather than confusion or pain.
How Coaches and Leaders Can Support Healthy Goodbyes
Here are a few ways we can make the end of a season more healing and less destabilizing:
1. Name the Transition
Naming the ending helps athletes make sense of their emotions and prevents the silence that can feel like rejection. Put words to what’s happening. Leadership means modeling emotional expression:
“I know the end of a season can feel tough because we’ve experienced so much together.”
“I won’t be your coach next season, but I’ve learned a lot working with you. You can always reach out for support or guidance.”
2. Acknowledge Departures Openly
If you know a player or coach will be leaving, say it out loud. Doing so reduces confusion and helps avoid misinterpretations of abandonment or blame:
“I know you’ll be moving on next season, and we’ll miss you.”
“Coach Taylor won’t be returning, and while we’re sad to see them go, we’re grateful for their impact.”
This models transparency and helps athletes build resilience in the face of change.
3. Create Structure and Ceremony
Rituals offer grounding. Consider ending the season with a team meeting, jersey signing, or sharing circle where athletes can reflect on the season and say goodbye in a supportive space.
4. Express Gratitude
Take the time to name what the team meant to you, and invite players to do the same. Gratitude fosters connection and reinforces positive memories—even in the face of change.
By approaching the end of the season with intention, honesty, and care, we give athletes (and ourselves) the chance to learn that goodbyes don’t have to mean loss of love, worth, or connection. In doing so, we build emotionally healthier teams—and people—for seasons to come.
Dana Hartman-Ngaloafe, LMFT, is a licensed therapist with over a decade of experience supporting individuals, couples, and families through trauma and life transitions. Outside of her private practice in Palo Alto, she is an active parent and youth sports team manager who values the lessons sports can teach about resilience, attachment, and emotional health.